This presupposition of NLP tells you about something that you might have not noticed yet. The meaning of your communication is not what you say but actually the response that you get from others. I am sure that you have gone through the situation when you say something and others understand something else and then you say I am sorry I didn’t mean that. There is nothing wrong with others understanding but the words that you chose to deliver. That happens when selection of your words doesn’t match your intentions.
Let’s take an example here if you are a parent of child and ask him/her to clean the room and he/she doesn’t do it,, what would you do in order to get it done? Hope you will not just shout on him/her but and ask him what made him skip this. May be he was doing homework or maybe you were not specific that you want him to do it right away. Probably you must change your approach towards more specific like you want him to clean his room in an hour or finish your homework quickly then clean your room in next 2 hours.
Let’s take another example here, maybe you’re a manager or you have a team to manage. Suppose one of your team members is performing as per the potential that you want him/her to display and you ask that member to improve. Yes, of course he/she will improve since you’re a boss but wait a minute! Did you mention how much do you want him/her to improve? What will happen if he/she has different limits and understanding of improvement than yours, it can bring misunderstanding between you and your team member because after some time you will feel that he/she is not fulfilling your expectations.
If we talk about personal relationships, the most common reason of misunderstanding in relationships are the expectations which occurs due to unclear or lack of communication. If your partner asks you to talk to him/her when you are out the whole day at work and you do so but still your partner is not happy with you on this then maybe for you it’s enough to talk once in a day when you’re out and he/she is expecting call him/her thrice a day or maybe your partner would like to be connected more. My concern is not the reason behind but the communication that you need have to be more specific about the expectations.
You can start practicing this presupposition from now onward, if you ask someone to do something or if you are communicating with someone and you feel that its not working, choose your words wisely in order to make others understand the exact same thing you want them to understand. You will find yourself becoming a good communicator by time.
There is no failure, only feedback
After reading the title you might be thinking “definitely there is failure”. Well yes, according to NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) it exists only if you choose to look at it that way. This is a constructive feeling which is made by our own mind. You can choose to look at the results either as a feedback or a failure.
When you decide to try out something new or take new actions and you don’t get the expected results, you may choose to be negative or consider learning out of the experience. If you choose to think that you failed, ask yourself for a moment what feeling would you get next time before trying out something new? It is better to think of a new action and take result as an experience or a feedback.
Lets understand this in an another way. I want you to pick an activity what you are used to do now; it could be driving, typing on laptop or mobile and cooking etc. Now, I would like you to recall the memory when you tried it for the first time and the mistakes that you made in the beginning. Why are you good in it now? Because you chose to learn it anyway and you took the results as feedback and you improved yourself by learning from your mistakes.
If may have a team and your team member is not performing well and if you consider their performance to be a failure may lead to hindrance in improvement. Hence this presupposition of NLP recommends believing in feedback and not failure.
So, failure is nothing but a constructed feeling which holds you back from improving and limits you. The only way to know your limits is to try them. Start taking your results as a feedback and success will be the only outcome you will get.