There is no failure, only feedback
After reading the title you might be thinking “definitely there is failure”. Well yes, according to NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) it exists only if you choose to look at it that way. This is a constructive feeling which is made by our own mind. You can choose to look at the results either as a feedback or a failure.
When you decide to try out something new or take new actions and you don’t get the expected results, you may choose to be negative or consider learning out of the experience. If you choose to think that you failed, ask yourself for a moment what feeling would you get next time before trying out something new? It is better to think of a new action and take result as an experience or a feedback.
Lets understand this in an another way. I want you to pick an activity what you are used to do now; it could be driving, typing on laptop or mobile and cooking etc. Now, I would like you to recall the memory when you tried it for the first time and the mistakes that you made in the beginning. Why are you good in it now? Because you chose to learn it anyway and you took the results as feedback and you improved yourself by learning from your mistakes.
If may have a team and your team member is not performing well and if you consider their performance to be a failure may lead to hindrance in improvement. Hence this presupposition of NLP recommends believing in feedback and not failure.
So, failure is nothing but a constructed feeling which holds you back from improving and limits you. The only way to know your limits is to try them. Start taking your results as a feedback and success will be the only outcome you will get.
In my last blog I introduced presuppositions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Today, you will learn the first presupposition which is very important to remember at every single step of your daily life.
There is always a positive intention behind every behavior. Whether the action is good or bad, a person’s behavior has always a positive intention. If you find a person behaving the way you don’t want him/her to behave, or you don’t understand the behavior, doesn’t mean that he/she has a negative intention behind that behavior. Suppose, you ask someone to borrow you some money for a couple of days and the person denies, it is definitely a negative answer for you but there will definitely be a positive intention for that person to say no to you. May be he/she does not want to take the risk or he/she does not have enough money to support you. Whatever the reason is however the intention is always positive.
Let’s see another example to understand this presupposition; if you are a manager or manage a team and your team member is not performing well maybe that’s because he is under learning or he is more focused on the perfection and does not want to disappoint. If you look into the real reasons of underperformance then you will have better ways to improve his performance and your management style instead of getting disappointed and bringing conflict in your working relationships with your team.
So everyone always has positive intention behind every behavior. No one purposefully behave with a negative intention. If you discover the real intention behind any behavior or action you will find a way for healthier and more effective alternatives to lead a positive and happy life.
This presupposition of NLP is not meant to condone sinful acts or heinous crimes committed by evil people.
Presuppositions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is not quite a belief and something we believe is 100% true all the time because we might be able to find counter examples to some of what I am going to tell you. I want you to think of them as attitudes that when we take on produce predictably excellent results. As an NLP trainer, coach and a hypnotist these are great attitudes to take on when I am working with clients, I encourage you to take these on as attitudes and try them you may find some you really like, some you don’t like so much. Try them out in your personal and professional life. Notice for yourself where they work and serve you, notice where they are useful in your life first and then you can worry about the exceptions down the road.
When we presuppose something we’re making an assumption that something is true and we are building upon that. For example if I say that by the end of this entire blog, I’m not sure which part of it you will have enjoyed the most. It could have been the live examples that I will share with you, could be the activities that I am going to share with you, it could be the learning of particular NLP Processes and how you can apply those processes to create dramatic and rapid change in different areas of your life or in helping others, it could be the techniques to change the way you look at yourself and the world. I don’t know which part you’ll enjoy most. That is really up to you to discover for yourself so you can imagine that.
Now realize, what is the first thing that I presupposed? What is the first thing that I build upon? That was that you’re going to complete this blog till the end.
Below is the list of presuppositions of NLP:
Each person is unique / the map is not the territory. There is no right or wrong in life. It is essentially the outcome of the way our thought process interprets the event. It is important to understand that we respond to our ‘mental maps’ or our interpretations of our world to arrive at a conclusion. These conclusions are different for different people.
There is a solution to every problem.
We have within us all the resources we ever need.
The person with the most flexibility in thinking and behavior has the greatest influence.
Mind and body are part of the same system.
Knowledge, thought, memory and imagination are the result of sequences and combination of ways of filtering and storing information.
In my next blog I will explain these presuppositions in details.