This presupposition of NLP tells you about something that you might have not noticed yet. The meaning of your communication is not what you say but actually the response that you get from others. I am sure that you have gone through the situation when you say something and others understand something else and then you say I am sorry I didn’t mean that. There is nothing wrong with others understanding but the words that you chose to deliver. That happens when selection of your words doesn’t match your intentions.
Let’s take an example here if you are a parent of child and ask him/her to clean the room and he/she doesn’t do it,, what would you do in order to get it done? Hope you will not just shout on him/her but and ask him what made him skip this. May be he was doing homework or maybe you were not specific that you want him to do it right away. Probably you must change your approach towards more specific like you want him to clean his room in an hour or finish your homework quickly then clean your room in next 2 hours.
Let’s take another example here, maybe you’re a manager or you have a team to manage. Suppose one of your team members is performing as per the potential that you want him/her to display and you ask that member to improve. Yes, of course he/she will improve since you’re a boss but wait a minute! Did you mention how much do you want him/her to improve? What will happen if he/she has different limits and understanding of improvement than yours, it can bring misunderstanding between you and your team member because after some time you will feel that he/she is not fulfilling your expectations.
If we talk about personal relationships, the most common reason of misunderstanding in relationships are the expectations which occurs due to unclear or lack of communication. If your partner asks you to talk to him/her when you are out the whole day at work and you do so but still your partner is not happy with you on this then maybe for you it’s enough to talk once in a day when you’re out and he/she is expecting call him/her thrice a day or maybe your partner would like to be connected more. My concern is not the reason behind but the communication that you need have to be more specific about the expectations.
You can start practicing this presupposition from now onward, if you ask someone to do something or if you are communicating with someone and you feel that its not working, choose your words wisely in order to make others understand the exact same thing you want them to understand. You will find yourself becoming a good communicator by time.
In my last blog I introduced presuppositions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Today, you will learn the first presupposition which is very important to remember at every single step of your daily life.
There is always a positive intention behind every behavior. Whether the action is good or bad, a person’s behavior has always a positive intention. If you find a person behaving the way you don’t want him/her to behave, or you don’t understand the behavior, doesn’t mean that he/she has a negative intention behind that behavior. Suppose, you ask someone to borrow you some money for a couple of days and the person denies, it is definitely a negative answer for you but there will definitely be a positive intention for that person to say no to you. May be he/she does not want to take the risk or he/she does not have enough money to support you. Whatever the reason is however the intention is always positive.
Let’s see another example to understand this presupposition; if you are a manager or manage a team and your team member is not performing well maybe that’s because he is under learning or he is more focused on the perfection and does not want to disappoint. If you look into the real reasons of underperformance then you will have better ways to improve his performance and your management style instead of getting disappointed and bringing conflict in your working relationships with your team.
So everyone always has positive intention behind every behavior. No one purposefully behave with a negative intention. If you discover the real intention behind any behavior or action you will find a way for healthier and more effective alternatives to lead a positive and happy life.
This presupposition of NLP is not meant to condone sinful acts or heinous crimes committed by evil people.
Presuppositions of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is not quite a belief and something we believe is 100% true all the time because we might be able to find counter examples to some of what I am going to tell you. I want you to think of them as attitudes that when we take on produce predictably excellent results. As an NLP trainer, coach and a hypnotist these are great attitudes to take on when I am working with clients, I encourage you to take these on as attitudes and try them you may find some you really like, some you don’t like so much. Try them out in your personal and professional life. Notice for yourself where they work and serve you, notice where they are useful in your life first and then you can worry about the exceptions down the road.
When we presuppose something we’re making an assumption that something is true and we are building upon that. For example if I say that by the end of this entire blog, I’m not sure which part of it you will have enjoyed the most. It could have been the live examples that I will share with you, could be the activities that I am going to share with you, it could be the learning of particular NLP Processes and how you can apply those processes to create dramatic and rapid change in different areas of your life or in helping others, it could be the techniques to change the way you look at yourself and the world. I don’t know which part you’ll enjoy most. That is really up to you to discover for yourself so you can imagine that.
Now realize, what is the first thing that I presupposed? What is the first thing that I build upon? That was that you’re going to complete this blog till the end.
Below is the list of presuppositions of NLP:
Each person is unique / the map is not the territory. There is no right or wrong in life. It is essentially the outcome of the way our thought process interprets the event. It is important to understand that we respond to our ‘mental maps’ or our interpretations of our world to arrive at a conclusion. These conclusions are different for different people.
There is a solution to every problem.
We have within us all the resources we ever need.
The person with the most flexibility in thinking and behavior has the greatest influence.
Mind and body are part of the same system.
Knowledge, thought, memory and imagination are the result of sequences and combination of ways of filtering and storing information.
In my next blog I will explain these presuppositions in details.